first round of oomfie editing

script.rpy

@@ -129,10 +129,10 @@ label prologue:
     nvl clear
 
     scene cg_meeting_empty with dissolve
-    nvlnarrator "Turned to the side like this, my negligence stares back at me in full display by way of the sheer state of disrepair I've left every inch of my apartment in.{w} But even now I can't bring myself to
+    nvlnarrator "Turned to the side like this, my negligence stares back at me in full display by the way of the sheer state of disrepair I've left every inch of my apartment in.{w} But even now I can't bring myself to
     care. I get overwhelmed enough just making sure I'm home safe from work already..." 
     nvlnarrator "For a dead-end like me, a living situation like this is nothing short of suitable, though if whatever is troubling my body now happens to take my life, I'll definitely have wished to die with my
-    sights set on something a bit more beautiful."
+    sight set on something a bit more beautiful."
     scene cg_meeting_empty with dissolve
     stop ambient fadeout 1.0
     $renpy.pause(0.5)
@@ -174,9 +174,9 @@ label prologue:
     null "But all I feel is that I'm happy to meet you..."
     null "And that somehow...{w} hm,{w} how should I put it?"
     advnarratorslow "Before she spoke, I could already tell what she meant."
-    advnarratorslow "That even with this distance, the physical distance, between me and her..."
+    advnarratorslow "That even with this distance, this physical distance, between me and her..."
     advnarratorslow "It felt somehow like we were within each other."
-    advnarratorslow "Now somehow aware of how quickly I came to understand, she nods and smiles at me."
+    advnarratorslow "Now, somehow aware of how quickly I came to understand, she nods and smiles at me."
     null "It seems crazy, right?{w} Well, I think I must be inside you or something..."
     advnarratorslow "With this in mind, it's hard not to start connecting the dots."
     advnarratorslow "The pain, starting from my forehead."
@@ -234,7 +234,7 @@ label act1_part1:
     nvlnarrator "Every time I think about it, it bothers me.{w} Just what year are we in that I have to haul my ass to an office to sign this kind of thing?{w} What reason could there even be to do something so
     inconvenient?"
     nvlnarrator "I guess the corporate ladder thrives off inconveniencing the people it leeches from.{w} Tire me out, lay me off, and then finally make it so I can't be bothered to get my dues, right?"
-    nvlnarrator "Even at a time where things are at their most comfortable, these kinds of exploiters will find problems to create for people.{w} Inconvenience everyone, then sell them ways to stay stagnant and
+    nvlnarrator "Even at a time where things are at their most comfortable, these kinds of exploiters will find problems to create for people.{w} To inconvenience everyone, then sell them ways to stay stagnant and
     unflinching, hardly ever mustering up a thought of their own."
     nvlnarrator "...{w} The world is doomed.{w} I want to be taken away by catastrophe already."
     nvlnarrator "But I might as well live while I'm here."
@@ -249,7 +249,7 @@ label act1_part1:
     thrown about in ample amounts."
     nvlnarrator "Everything that could be piled up is piled up.{w} There are a few pockets of trash that might as well be makeshift pillars.{w} Even in the rim of my own bed sits a pillar of filth."
     scene kitchen with dissolve
-    nvlnarrator "I used to tell myself the day would come where I'd regain my energy and bring it all back the way it should be, but by now I've accepted it...{w} I will die taking in these sights, and smelling this
+    nvlnarrator "I used to tell myself the day would come where I'd regain my energy and bring it all back to the way it should be, but by now I've accepted it...{w} I will die taking in these sights, and smelling this
     very stale moldy air."
 
     nvl clear
@@ -413,7 +413,7 @@ label act1_part1:
     nvlnarrator "I'm sure the same questions would come up in anyone's mind...{w} really, it makes me kind of self-aware to give them any space in my brain...{w} but how would someone in this position not start to
     question where their self begins and ends?"
     nvlnarrator "When I see that parasite standing right beside me in the mirror, is it an extension of me?{w} If this burden only I can carry a part of me, could that be said of anyone?"
-    nvlnarrator "I guess it's hard to compare when most other people's problems have the decency not to talk back to them.{w} And it's hard to imagine something so evil coming out of me...{w} What could I have done
+    nvlnarrator "I guess it's hard to compare when most of other people's problems have the decency not to talk back to them.{w} And it's hard to imagine something so evil coming out of me...{w} What could I have done
     to deserve something like that?"
 
     nvl clear
@@ -425,7 +425,7 @@ label act1_part1:
     nvl clear
 
     nvlnarrator "Haaaah..."
-    nvlnarrator "I breathe in heavily...{w} I gotta get myself ready.{w} I'm usually one to delay things until I can no longer, but I'll take any money I can get...{w} else I'll fizzle out much too soon."
+    nvlnarrator "I breathe in heavily...{w} I gotta get myself ready.{w} I'm usually one to delay things until I can no longer, but I'll take any money I can get...{w} or else I'll fizzle out much too soon."
     nvlnarrator "I lifelessly splash water on my face."
     nvlnarrator "The feeling used to upset me, so I got used to only splashing enough to rub the dirt off my eyes, usually.{w} I don't think it'd bother me so much nowadays though."
     nvlnarrator "Turning to both my sides, I wonder what I should do with the uncontrollable mess my hair has become.{w} Better not to overthink it, or I'll overwhelm myself...{w} I'll just try tying it like
@@ -843,7 +843,7 @@ label finale:
     irida "Did you really make me kill that girl or not?!!!!!"
     show null boast forced at bouncetransition
     null "I wonder..."
-    irida "......{w} Y'know, before all of that, I almost thought we were starting to understand eachother better..."
+    irida "......{w} Y'know, before all of that, I almost thought we were starting to understand each other better..."
     irida "I didn't think you'd change, or that it'd get any easier but..."
     irida "I really thought you were starting to get closer to me."
     irida "Or at least enough not to do something like this!!"
@@ -1069,7 +1069,7 @@ label finale:
     advnarrator "NULL's breathing is heavily labored."
     advnarrator "Her chest heaves up and down, a noticeable effort just to pull enough air."
     advnarrator "She's been staring right at me every moment she can."
-    advnarrator "Though it's a bit creepy, it only makes the moments where I cause her enough pain to make her eyes waver more satisfying."
+    advnarrator "Though it's a bit creepy, it only makes the moments where I cause her enough pain to make her eyes waver satisfyingly."
     advnarrator "Yeah...{w} When she's looking at me all defiant, but as soon as I do something she can't help but wince..."
     irida "...... I need more..."
     advnarrator "A creepy voice I didn't know I could speak in, muttered under my breath."